It's Temporary Insanity

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 04:38:42 GMT

"Maturity is overrated," Carl said as we laid down on the grounds of Madison Square Park. Normally, I'd say something to the extent of "You got that from MTV" but I knew this had always been Carl's moral.

"Anyone can be mature if they tried."

I rested my head on his left thigh, faced the bright sun in the sky and chuckled.

There were kids running around in the circle area that was formerly a fountain pool. A little blonde girl took a Dora the Explorer ball away from an even smaller girl and kicked it around. The smaller girl looked away in disapproval and chased after her. They ran and screamed and fell and cried and went back to playing all within the course of five minutes. They were immature, but they had fun and were carefree.

"People try to grow up too fast," Carl continued. He rambled about how independence can't be fun without some a non-serious sense of humor.

That's who Carl was to me; every time I see or talk to him, he always had that childlike happiness that made me enjoy his company. Sometimes, it was all I needed to get away from the fast paced city and the transition between childhood and adolescence.

I met Carl in high school and we were totally opposites. We still are. He smokes, drinks, does drugs, fucks any girl he wants to have. I'm a closet party-goer, and even then I refused to smoke or drink too much. The only thing we shared was a sense of randomness, apparent immaturity and displeasure with high school.

"I hated high school," Carl said. I knew what he meant. When I first entered high school, I anticipated about how they'd be the memorable four years of my life. They are, but not in a good way. All high school was to me was a place where I had met a select few people who were actually important/worth keeping in touch. Life after high school has been amazing. I got to spend a year living alone, do what I want, take care of myself. I got to grow up and to start forming an actual individuality.

Over the course of one year, or the age of 18, I had developed into a new woman. I look back at how I used to cry over bad grades, mean (ex) friends, relationships falling apart...and for what? Feeling bag about the past doesn't change the future. The moment I let go of feeling like crap over the high school bullshit, I realized how great my life was. For the past years, I let something so stupid and miniscule shadowed over all that's good in my life. Why?

I made a personal manifesto that I would no longer abuse human relationships. I will not purposely create enemies. I will not cry over the past. I will not be my own worst enemy but my own best friend. If you can form the best relationship with yourself and not be your own worst critic, I feel like everything else would fall in place. All you have to do is look up into the sun and let the glare outshines the bad energy.

I'd never felt happier sitting in the park watching kids play with Carl that Saturday afternoon. Even though we'd never hung out throughout high school, it was good to realize that even those you never got to know can affect the way you see life. Long term friendships are a little overrated. You can't expect people to always remember the good because once the bad comes along, they pack their shit and leave. When you're always with someone new, or when you always renew yourself, everything is always exciting.

Over the past months, I had a fabulous internship, met great people I can actually count as real friends. I have a relationship with Joel that's growing as we are, and turning more adult than it was two years ago when we flirted over the phone. I have an editorial/photoshoot to go back to model for at Syracuse once I return.

This entry doesn't have a meaning. It doesn't make a lot of sense, and it doesn't really flow. It was just a moment in life where I actually felt supremely content with everything. I just felt like if I recorded this while I still felt it, one day I might look back at it and smile at how happy I was. This is the kind of happiness I want to always have. The childlike one Carl possesses, the independent one Joel has, the carefree one those children in the park maintained.

I want to be forever young.

RIP

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 04:39:19 GMT

Professor Weixing Cai. You were the one of the nicest math teachers I've had and I can't believe this happened. You were so young and on your way to such an amazing future.

Rest in peace.

I love this song so damn much

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 23:44:33 GMT

Seven am;
The garbage truck beeps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse, signifying the end
But I missed the best part.
Could we please go back to start?
Forgive my indecision

Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Eleven am,
By now you would think that I would be up
But my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I've made
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
'Cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in that old fear.

"11am" - Incubus

PS: this doesnt relate to me personally, i just like it.

R.I.P.

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 06:28:03 GMT

Rocky H. Aoki :( I've always wanted to eat at Benihana and your daughter is gorgeous and is my inspiration. Rest in peace.

Goddamn 2008. Everyone is dead.

I thought I was fabulous

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 05:26:43 GMT

until I got to my internship and all the ladies there are dressed so goddamn fierce. I felt like I was in The Devil Wears Prada, or Ugly Betty and I was the outcast. I thought I was working my Levi's and Vivienne Westwood heels.

Goddamn New Yorkers. Hahaha. Hate them, but love being one.

Inssssooomniaaa

Mon, 12 May 2008 07:23:49 GMT

almost always lead to this kind of crap:

Name something that made you frown today?
- When Joel scolded at me :/

What were you doing at 7:00 AM?
-Surely, I was not awake.

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a regret?
- Generic as it is, everything happens for a reason. Might as well be rich while I'm at it ::grabs the million bucks::

Tell me something personal?
- Something personal.
No, okay, um....
The more I think about what happened in my last relationship, the more it makes me want to kill. Even baby animals.

Are you close to your dad?
-I was until he passed. Oh shiz, today is....was his birthday.

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
- Oh yes.

Does someone like you right now?
- In a crush way, I doubt.

Where was the last place you went?
- BJ's with mom.

Last person you had a deep and meaningful convo with?
-I really don't remember. That's sad.

Do you have any diseases or illnesses?
- Supposedly because of my dad, I do have some small fragments of virus B but nothing serious. Then the tumor and whatnot.

Is there something you will never forget?
-Definitely, as much as I wish I could.

How do you feel about Valentine's day?
-It's okay.

How is your heart doing?
-Beating, I'm sure.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
-Noelia and Joel.

Are you typically a jealous person?
-Not typically...but in some cases, it happens.

Do you chew on straws?
-No, I hate that.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
-Probably watching TV or showering.

Do you wish on 11:11 PM?
-No. I'd never heard of it until a couple of years ago and I don't care no matter what. ::Shrug::

What's on your mind?
- How to fall asleep.

Do you have a favorite book or poem?
-I hate picking favorites. I like my own poems :D

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
-Sort of. I didn't hate the person though, just didn't really like them.

Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
-Mom.

How do people know when you're sad/mad?
-I'm quiet or I look upset? Idk. I have a particular face I guess.

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
- They go hand in hand, you can never really forget so I guess forgiving is easier.

What is one thing you must have in a relationship?
-Trust.

What cartoon did you watch all the time when you were little?
- Sailor Moon lol

Do you currently have a hickey?
-Nope!

According to your ex, you are?
- "The only one he'll ever want or love"
gross. You're not even 20, go date some more.

When is the last time you showered?
- Hours ago.

If you're single, why?
- I'm not, but if I was, it's probably because I'm a bitch.

Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
- Not really.

Who was the last person you laid in a bed with?
- Hm. I think Noelia when she stayed over in my room because her roommate had her boyfriend over.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
- Staying warm indoors, watching the rain pour while I sip some miso soup <33333

Do you like your name?
- It can be fun, sometimes annoying to teach other people. I guess it's unique here but it's so so in Thailand.

Do you like being in pictures?
- Sure, if I don't look like crap (and if I do, it must be on purpose ahem haha).

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J, P, or V?
- Yes! Joel.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
- Warm.

What do you currently hear right now?
- My mom breathing loudly. Poor woman has her nose all clogged from allergies :(

What do you think your best friend's doing right now?
- Not sure who my best friend is but I'm sure at least they are sleeping.

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
- Late 20's, I'm guesstimating.

Would you rather watch football or baseball?
- Idk, both are just as fun to play as they are to watch.

How much money do you have on you?
- Dunno. Whatever bills I leave in my purse. If I took all of my bags and emptied them for money, I'm sure I can find about 10 bucks per bag. NOT a good habit.

Is there someone on your mind?
- Not really. Just me. And how I really would like to sleep but I can't.

What made you happy today?
- Relaxing. It's nice to know I don't have to run around doing five million things.

Did you date anyone this past summer?
- Not per se, Joel was in North Carolina.

What's your ex doing?
- Not sure. Don't care.

What are you thinking about right now?
- How I'd like my nose to stop being runny.

What’s your middle name?
- Thais have never heard of middle names, therefore I do not have one assigned to me.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober?
- Definitely sober.

Where will you be in an hour?
- In a dream, hopefully.

Photo Post!

Sat, 10 May 2008 04:18:30 GMT

Last night was great, the Met was really fun :) I had a whole outfit dressed but changed at the last minute due to the fact that I just decided it looked to 80's. I ended up wearing this Proenza Schouler dress I found in some vintage store with the zipper broken (but for four dollars, I'll take it and invest in a new zipper!) because I knew the bustier part of the dress would fit the theme, considering that they were showing the famous Dolce & Gabbana armor thing.

I didn't bring my cam, so I stole these pics of Noelia and Joel's :) Oh, did I mention my ex was there, too? He went with his best friend Albert, both of whom looked rather informal. Albert was in his American Eagle polo, jeans and Yankees fitted and the ex was in a shirt and cyclops mask thing. I can't even comment the sadness that was those two, walking together...alone. Sausages and all.

But may I present to you...

The Left Handed Trio!

How gorgeous was this place? I loved it. They had a DJ playing music and all, I wish they had just set up an dance floor.

They served "Superhero Ice Cream" and some fancy themed punch thing which tasted like just soda and pineapple juice. Odd combo.

Bad phot >.< Take two

Do-able

They had a movie playing in the back there...I think it was the original Batman but it might have changed by the time that pic was taken.

Lots of people dressed up like actual superheroes, most people just dressed fancy.

The candles looked so pretty! Gawd, those arms. I need to start lifting weights again.

I felt awkward with my hair up because I hate having my hair up but I tried it out and it didn't feel so bad. I also tried out makeup, which I'm not too familiar with at all (except prom, but even then that was amateur). I think I did good though :D Plain, simple, cute.

To our right was Mystique (X-Men). Sorry I didn't upload a pic. Please enjoy a pic of the lovebirds instead :)

After a while the hair came down. But I was still excited. SEEEE??!?

Me and Noelia being all Gossip Girl like.

After the museum and a while of sitting to rest our feet, Joel and I went all the way back to where Noelia lives to help get her home safe. Then we got a yogurt smoothie and went home. Lonnng, long night. But nothing like a good night in NYC with my loves to make me feel like home <3

I cannot wait

Thu, 08 May 2008 16:34:45 GMT

til the Met Museum ball tonight!

So you guy should know about the Met Gala earlier this week, where the theme this year was "Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy". Tonight, the event is open for college students and I got at ticket to go the the event with some friends....still not sure what to wear. The college event is renamed "Superheroes and Super Chic" so...urr. I need some super chic superhero ideas.

Since I'm obsessed about left handedness, I might as well be Left Handed Girl. Justice to one left hander at a time!
::stupid::
I saw some other girl saying she would be Grammar Girl, wielding a the red pen of grammatical justice. I wish I had thought of that. Hmm. Haha. How nerdy of me.

I'll make sure I look awesome, that is all.
Oh, more awesome than Kevin and his crowd, since apparently they're going too? Have no fear, I always look better than they do :)

Ahh it's good to be back in the city. I can't believe freshman year is over! Yesterday I talked to the Vice Pres of Bodhi bags and I got an internship for the summer! The bags looked so much better in the showroom than online, those pictures did not do them justice. I can't wait to be working around them all the time. Well, until Thailand in June.

So far, this summer looks good (except allergies, damn you Spring).

From Jasmine (as almost always)

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:41:36 GMT

My username is _____, because ____.
darkbob, which is an inside joke between Joel and his friends back in junior year of high school. It's actually 'Darth Bob', like Star Wars, but I like this simpler and unrelated Star Wars version better :)

My (LJ) name is _____, because ______.
Natt....because it is short for my slightly more difficult name.

My journal is titled ____ because ____.
"It's Temporary Insanity" because I don't really update without something crazy to write about.

My journal is subtitled ____ because ____.
"What's going on with you and me" is the next line in the journal because they're both from a song, I forget which though :P

My friends page is called ____, because ____.
"Hello, My Loves" because I obviously wouldn't have them on my friends' list if I didn't care to read their stuff.

My default userpic is ____, because ____.
Me from when I did a shoot for class/LJTM inspiration and ditzy_kitty made an icon out of it for me :)

Today I will go meet AJ to pick up the photos :) Can't wait to see how it turns out, I hope I don't look horrible! Updates later if they're pretty, haha.

Modeling updates

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:20:53 GMT

After long, long months without any attempt close to taking pretty pictures for the likes of fake-modeling, yesterday I finally had an official photoshoot for Stitch. We used all my clothes and put together four outfits, three for the bookworm look and one that's just really, urr..."fierce". I've never used makeup in my life, except for mascara and eyeshadow, so imagine my surprise when I was told to do my own makeup since the artist would be unavailable :(

Sigh.

But it turned out really fun, makeup wise I didn't look cakey, we did some face shots, body shots and some jumping ones that looked like they came out great. I'm so excited to see them, hopefully by the end of this week I will be able to get copies out of their CD(s?).

Modeling is sooo much different than the silly timer-pose I usually play around doing. The lights, the pressure...so odd. BUT! AJ and Adam (the 'directors' I would say for the shoot) said I did good and they really liked the outcome :) AJ said to send my pics to agencies but haha, that couldn't happen. I'm 5'2 (although I looked so long and lean in the leaping ones since my leg were so stretched out!)

Update to come when pics arrive....

In other news (I should stop using that phrase), I have a little less than a month till the end of freshmen year. It went by sooooo fast, I don't want it to end but at the same time I do want summer and relaxation. I sort of dread going home because I still don't know what my friend situation is like. At least we've got some plans, such as Six Flags, beach, 'double dates'? and outlets <3 I'm gonna give up the hopes of a job or an internship because going to Thailand in June really slashes the time I have between the summer to do anything.

Which raises the disappointment that is my 'rejection' to the Fashion Journalism program here. I never got a reply, but I found out through our school newspaper article that last Friday at the program fashion show, they introduced the new class. Kinda sucks, and hurts a little, and even pisses me off that they didn't even have the decency to inform those not accepted that the decisions were made and all this time I've been sitting around trying to schedule my classes next semester without a clue what to do. Ugh.

Maybe next year. I'm honestly too pissed but going into the program could really boost my chances at my career goal. I don't know. Spring semester is really quite a disappointment as far as academia goes. I've been taking this religion class in which the professor for it is quite the douchebag. Anyone who says they are from NYC and is from Staten Island needs to get shot. Bronx-style.

Things with Joel are still good but it's becoming a lot more frequent with the arguments over little pointless things. I know honeymoon periods are over but things we used to never normally argue about now become so easy for us to disrespect each other by being ignorant. I can't even get into the example from last night, but it was really intensely hurtful for both parties. We argue, we get over it, but I hate that there even has to be the problem. As if the distance doesn't hurt us enough.

But another thing that made me happier was when my friends here in Syracuse said they liked Joel (from the two weeks they've met him anyways). In Junior HS and HS, when I went out with Kevin, I didn't really get a lot of support from my friends at all. They didn't like him because he was only nice to me (which is understandable) and I would be forced to ditch my friends for him (which I really regret). When I think about it, I wonder, how the hell did I keep going doing stupid things like that and thought it was perfectly normal and okay? It wasn't.

Anyways, so imagine my happiness that Lauren and Noelia of SU said they like him and find him humorous and endearing. It feels so good to know your friends like your boyfriend, especially when I've never gotten the support. These girls are amazing...in aspects that they are also the friends I've never had in my past 18 years. They're just so incredibly supportive and non-judgmental among other qualities. I didn't think it'd be hard to find friends like that, but I'm glad I finally did. It's about time.

Whoo, this was a long entry. Until summer (or the next exciting thing happens, aka, pictures from the shoot!). Now I must go enjoy our 50 degree weather, since it doesn't usually occur. Thanks, Syracuse, for being as beautiful as you had the potential to be.

I didn't think anyone besides me reads this.

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 21:05:34 GMT

So.....

HI AJ ELLIS

that is all.
<3

MUST....HAVE....

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:29:18 GMT

::cries::

Why don't I have 285 dollars for this right now??? God, what a ridiculous price but....it's..so...pretty....and so much more beautiful in person. Damn you, AJ, for having it lying around at the shoot. Now I can't get my mind off it!

Jeezus I need to update

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:43:08 GMT

So I became an editor for the Stitch Society, a collegiate fashion blog, some time last semester. Now, the President of Stitch, AJ, has told us we might be making a look-book to distribute and we're going to shoot some fashion editorials! His theme was "Lifestyles", which is typically a sort of high school stereotypish shoot, just highlighting different styles of different people. Last Sunday we shot the 'Sorority girl/Socialite' and 'Punk' girls.

Here's the exciting part.

AJ wants me to model for the 'bookworm' role :DDDDDD

I mean yeah, who wants to be a bookworm, but mind you this is going to be fashionable and AJ knows his shit. I trust that he won't let me make myself out to be some nerdy geeky kid for humorous reasons. He wants it fierce.

However, since this is only a college mag, I have to style myself...so I'm looking for some help out there, Livejournal, to figure out how I can look nerdy yet stylish. I mean, I like my style fine but I have to dress in way where viewers will be able to look at it and go "oh, the bookworm" out of all the stereotypes we've got.

The first one I saw from ONTD, I was totally inspired by Chloe Sevigny's Page Six spread.

I have a high waisted mini that would work fine, just not as colorful. I even like this look down to the makeup. Pair that with my black rimmed glasses and a book in hand, I think we've got one look.

This one is a little more masculine....I don't have wide legged pants but perhaps Stitch has the budget to get one for photoshoots anyways. When I see this, I see librarian though.

I would even go for high waisted booty shorts since I love showing legs :)

EDIT

There. That's cute.

I'm also considering a long cardigan, maybe even a men's one, for the oversized look. Either...
or

So one's a cute feminine look and the other more corporate. What to do???? (Shoot's supposedly Saturday but that could change).

Survey to save my boredom

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 20:17:04 GMT

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked?
- I stopped caring about my ex because he started to become annoying, manipulative and didn't know how to talk to a woman.

Are you usually the heart breaker or the heart broken?
- I'm assumed the heart breaker because how the situation with Kevin Joel and me worked out but I could only say that it had to happened when my heart was chipped.

What is your name?
- Too lazy to type it back out, but it's Thai and I only know that the first part of my first name is supposed to mean "One who is loved".

How is life going for you right now on a scale of 1-10?
- I'd say a 6? Not too shabby not too great, but happier because I get to relax.

Do you miss your ex girlfriend/boyfriend?
- Definitely not.

Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?
- There are some things the public def. needs to know about me that I don't mind keeping secret at all but they're not willing to listen.

Regret(s)?
- Not big ones...but yes, there are.

What was the reason you last cried?
- New Year's Eve. A sad cry, too.

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today?
- Urggg...it's too early.

Do you have a best friend?
- Not really sure.

What was the reason your last relationship failed
- I spend way too much time explaining this that I'd prefer to just say that he's an assbag.

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
- Urr. No.

What do you think of people who have sex before marriage?
- Sex is liberating but they really need to be responsible and in love enough to commit such an act. I don't believe in sex as a lusty, one night stand sort of thing.

Do you own a pair of green pants?
- Nope.

Are you more independent or dependent?
- I want to say independent....but sometimes I need someone to help me too.

Ever had the opposite sex over when no one was home?
- Yes...not good. Not pulling that again :D

Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
- I definitely do believe in karma.

What is your favorite fruit?
- A lot.....apples, grapes, oranges, pears, mangoes, pineapples, strawberries....I could go on.

What's the most important thing in a relationship?
- Communication.

What is the last song to make you cry?
- Hello - Evanescence

Does anyone love you?
- I believe so.

Do you love someone?
- Yes.

Is your best friend pretty?
- She's blossomed into her own person although she changes her style practically all the time, I have no idea how she really is :/

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
- Yes....every time I have to fight with my mom or say something nasty to get the other person to stop arguing with me, that's when I feel really dirty. Haha.

Do you trust people easily?
- Not sure....

What's the thing that always gets you through the day?
- Being informed...whether about the news, relationships between friends, family updates...I like to know things. I guess I'm just nosy. Every day, something happens and I want to know about it ::loser::

Do you give out second chances too easily?
- I really think so.

Where was your last car ride to and from?
- The doctors > Ballys Total Fitness to send my brother to the gym > Home.

Where is one place you want to visit?
- Somewhere in Europe.

Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?
- Depends who....

Ever felt that no one relates to you?
- Especially when it comes to relationships, sometimes I feel people have no idea. I mean, who else could say they had a successful long distance relationship and their man moved up right next door? Hahaha.

LJ relates to me. It knew about my crazy situation way before people in HS did :D

Had plans and broke them?
- A lot of times...and that sucks.

Do you eat steak?
- No....I don't consume beef.

Are you a tease?
- I don't think so although some peeps have jokingly said that to me :/

Who are you jealous of?
- People who have real friends.

Are you a lover or fighter?.
- I fight for love? idk hahaha

Do you think your ex's new love is a player/slut?
- What new love? I don't think he's ever going to get laid in the next decade ::honest to God::

SO...

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 07:45:16 GMT

it's my one year anni today.

YAYYY

pictures to come. Joel planned a long day for us, I'm excited! Has it really been a year since that crazy day in high school where I was still packaging my college applications and running all over frantically looking for my Joelly?

Jeeeez.

eBay post

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 07:18:42 GMT

This is a really crappy post because it doesn't contain any quality fit for a blog entry....but...

Joel's auctioning a brand new game to make some extra bucks (because he needs it or else rent won't get paid in full!) So if you know someone who enjoys PC games, especially shooting games, please let them know we have a bid up :)

Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&Item=150188079786&Category=62053

The game is brand new, sealed and the original price goes for an average of 35 bucks...so yeah it's a bargain. Early gift shopping (for) anyone? Please?

Not sure why it still says he's in Charlotte, considering he moved up to New York back in October (shoot, did I forget to mention that in the last couple of entries? I'm bad.)

Stolen from Jasmine

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 06:45:05 GMT

Before I start, I'd like to say I am finally home for the first time since I've moved to Syracuse for college. Three months. THREE MONTHS. Doing my own laundry, not having Thai food.....do you have any idea how tough that life is? Well, I get a break for 4 days ish. That's cool.

1) What do you want?
A timestopper and some privacy would be good.

2) What is your favorite song of all time?
This question is impossible to answer clearly because I don't really play favorites.

3) Where in the world do you feel the safest?
Next to Joel....which is getting impossible while being away in college :(

4) You're getting your college degree in what?
Supposedly Magazine Journalism with a minor in Logic/Philosophy but those may change.

5) Are you self obsessed?
Sometimes.....mostly on special days I ponder a lot.

6)Imagine your homeroom teacher in a bikini
I don't have a homeroom teacher anymore.

7)What I dislike most about the general public is...
They're losing values of language (verbal, visual....etc.) to stupid, modernized culture.

8)What is your biggest turn off?
People who don't move on when it's so over.

9)Looks or Personality?
Personality, without a doubt. But that should come with some form of a decent look.

10) Rap or Hip-Hop?
Meh. Don't really care for either unless I'm just dancing to it.

11) Do you sometimes wish you were a porn star?
Not at all. I'd only want the person I'm having sex with to see me during the action.

12) What is the meaning of life?
The list goes on.

13) If you look at the color blue, what does it make you think of?
My bedsheets. Why are they never any other color than blue??

14) If you could pick anyone dead or alive to have lunch with, who would it be?
Too many to choose.....but for the sake of needing testosterone in my life, Adrian Grenier, please take me out.

15) Do you have any piercings/tattoos?
Three. Ears. I've always found eyebrow so sexy but I'll probably never have the guts.

16) What are your "comfy clothes"?
Stretch jeans, soft tee....maybe a hoodie.

17) If you were one word, what word would you be?
Natthakan. I know, lame.

18) What is the name of your truest friend?
Natthakan :)

19) If you could time travel, what would be your first stop?
I want to say, out of impulse, 12.21.06 but I really should stop sometime prior to my dad's death so I can visit him again.

20) What language would you like to speak fluently?
Spanish.....like the way they're supposed to sound too, not the ghetto Queens shit.

21) What is your dream job?
Working as something dealing with the fashion industry, getting lots of free designer items.

22) City or the suburbs?
Without a doubt, the city.

23) What is your favorite color?
Earth tone colors. (Brown, tan, beige, orange...orange?)

24) Who do you count on when feeling down?
Joel, mom, brother....not sure nowadays actually.

25) Do you hold hands when you walk in public?
Sometimes....othertimes I feel too shy because growing up in Thailand, public affections are inappropriate :/

26) How many hobbies do you have?
I can't define things as hobbies anymore. I do whatever, whenever.

27) If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
New York City is fine with me....but I'd love to see how it'd be like to live in Tokyo.

28) If you could time travel to the past to alter anything, would you?
Yes.....although I shouldn't.

29) Who was your hero as a child?
My dad.

30) Most Memorable Recent Past?
10.15.07.....which is super recent. That was my 18th birthday and an amazing day at that.

So in case you didn't know....

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:11:41 GMT

here's my life's update:

In July I went to Thailand again, had a mix of good and bad times but mostly good. Not as good as last trip, but good :)

Currently I've moved into Syracuse University to attend SI Newhouse for Magazine Journalism and I've been here for a week now. Exciting and the same time nervewrecking but I'm having an okay time dealing. My roommate is almost never here and there's a lot of drama going on with her so I'm having a bizarre story....but I don't mind having the room to myself :) No time to chat, but here's my update! All you people out there go be happy!!! ::hyper::

A blogger friend recommended this

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 05:55:03 GMT

so here goes.

We all have things we keep to ourselves.
If you read this post, leave an anonymous comment.
Even if I do not know you, but you read this, post.
Post a lyric, a thought, a confession, anything at all.

Hope to hear from you....and steal as you wish. I've stolen this :)

Prom update!

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 03:50:59 GMT

Prom was ammmmmmaazzzing. Three words I'm happy I could say! My mom did my hair and I did my own make up which I thought turned out pretty nice. Enea picked us up in his Mustang fuckin' late and we showed up half way through prom. Despite the mix up, I still had a good rest of two and a half hours.

Before I get anywhere, allow me to show you....well, how I looked teehee.

I looked like a china doll.
Only I'm Thai :3

My dress was a brand new BCBG Max Azria I found in a vintage store in a size 4 that I got fixed to fit me. Amazing find. Joelly is wearing a Kenneth Cole shirt with DKNY tie I got him and his own pants, suit jacket, studded belts and white suspenders. Too bad we don't have a pic of the suspenders because he rocked it gooood.

When we walked in and my curls were kinda intact. Mom pimped me out with her diamonds that worth more than my first year's tuition at Syracuse....so I was dyyyying (that's about 4000 dollars worth, thank you Fin Aid). Not to mentioned her hand-me-down Coach watch and DKNY purse. My god I was rockin' it.

The prom was by the Hudson river so we got a great view that cameras can't capture as well as eyes ever could...but the pics will suffice.

Sugary cuteness that makes people vomit.

I loved this if it wasn't for the hair in his mouth :/

Me and Sharina, whose birthday was on prom. Joel said we looked like pageant Miss Thailand and Miss Bangladesh ahaha.

Us being silly. I had a thing about being Nadia's lesbian lover.

Kevin was also at prom (dateless, aha) where he was being a complete ass to me. I went over to say hi at their sausagefest table and he didn't even glance at me because I brought Joel as my date. I guess it's fair for him to not like that I've got a new guy in my life but damn, get the hell over it. It's been almost a year. Girls take longer than that.

The more I think about him, the more I'm happy we're not together because I can't stand a guy who is more of a girl than I am. God.

So during prom, Joel and I was caught up in the heat and decided to find a place to do some kissing so we went downstairs by the corner of an elevator....which was across from a coat closet we didn't know was a closet, haha. People passed but we played it off well, teehee, and we were back upstairs and dancing in 15 mins. Little did I know a day later than Nadia would come tell me I had a nice "makeout in the coat closet". Shit.

Oh well.

This was apparently my best pic but I was a little washed out by flash. Nice hair.

I never got a pic but Sharonna was wearing a low cut dress and her boobs were ALL OVER, I could have bet money we'd see one that night. Only for a guy to put his face in it. Soooo disappointed I miss that action.

After prom was over.

Silly.

Silly x2. BCBG shoes to match the dress, bee tee double-you.

I was kind of disappointed we didn't get to go to an afterprom party so Joel and I shared a cab home around 1. We made it up the next day when I went over a spent an afternoon alone...just with each other again. Good times. Overall, I'm happy about how my look turned out and what a nice time I had with my favorite person in the world....so I hope you all enjoyed the pics too :)

[EDIT]

Just in case you guys wanted pre-prom pictures.... uh.

Mom stalked me.

Back of dress.

Okay we're done!

Around round of looooooove

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 11:41:21 GMT

Yayyyyy

Yesterday was eventful....I added tips to my nails for the very first time and now typing feels retarded. I don't even know how I'm going to hold a pen anymore.....ahh, the price of being a woman.

But at 7:40 pm, I picked up Joel at the airport and we sent him to his cousins'. It's sooooo good to see him again, he look like he got thinner but he already was skinny. Hmm. Tonight is prom and being the nerd that I am, I'm still going in for school but only for him to say hi to people and giving Sipkin his birthday/thanks for everything present. Speaking of which, I should write him a card and hurry up to get changed....I'm supposed to meet Joel at 8 and it's 7:41.

Crap. I hate time management. More updates later with prom picturesssssv hopefullly.

Screw trying to talk with mom

Mon, 28 May 2007 22:39:50 GMT

I hate how mom always seem to dislike how much emphasis I put on friends and the devotion I have to be with them. She complains I don't talk to her yet today, when I explain to her how I felt about these so called friends she thinks I have, she had nothing to say. When I told her stories, she changed stories and got distracted by other things. Fuck trying to communicate with mom. I'm trying to talk and let her in on how my life is going and all she cares about is just going to buy crap for people back in Thailand. How about someone living at home with her? Someone she calls a daughter? Pretending to want to care about me then totally not giving any emphasis when I talk is not exactly a surefire way I'll ever want to have a real emotional mother-to-daughter talk with her again any time soon.

God.

Sat, 19 May 2007 23:21:48 GMT

People are never happy with what they have, do they? When things go wrong, the complaints go flying. When things are perfect, you wonder, "What's the catch?"

I guess that's the way we function, no one is ever 100% content where they are without knowing all the little details...and even then it confuses us. My situation seems to deal with every relationship's dreaded 'Ex-files'.

Usually I don't care for the exes, I'll hear about it every now and then and just focus on the fact that they are with me now and I'm not planning to fuck anything up. But for some reason, I can't get over Joel's 'ex'. They had a thing a while ago but they decided the whole being more than friends thing didn't work out.

He never did explained why it never worked out all too clearly and this girl (Elisa) has been a classmate of mine for since the beginning of High School. Up until when Joel visited in December, she was pretty nice to me. Now, however, she ignores me like a bum in the subway. She deliberately 'forgets' to answer me during class discussions and never once looked my at face anymore. She seem to have called me names behind my back and turned some people against me. I can't care much for jealousy but what the hell. Before she and Joel went separate ways, she had told him he will "find a better girl who will take care of him and not hurt him like she did".

The thing with her is that she's just that better girl. Taller, prettier, not necessarily smarter but in the same range or better in some subjects. She's the girl other people want to befriend or aspire to be. What went wrong? When they were supposedly dating, they seemed happy...and every other stories I've heard from him didn't sound bad except for when she decided to date another guy and call it officially over with him. Didn't she have the power to love and care for him as well as I could? I can't pinpoint what I have that she doesn't. I'm just damn confused.

But what's even more weird is, I can't stop looking at her. In class, sometimes I find myself looking over her direction, wondering how much she had actually felt for him. Sharina said perhaps Elisa really liked him and that's why she's acting the way she is towards me. I'm the girl who she said Joel would find. But why would she call it over if she still cared?

I've come to realize that I, too, am guilty of jealousy. I'm jealous that she is the more beautiful girl (although with a rather large forehead....but a better package overall) with the brains. She's the one who got into Swarthsmore while I'm going to fuckin' Syracuse. She's the one to 'look out for' as the teachers put it. It's true, she does have one thing that I will never have; she had him before me and they got to spend time together physically. They had the kind of high school relationship I've never had...the kind I've always seeked but never got from Kevin. Where they could take trains together, hold hands, kiss in the hallways and have that quirky silly 'more than just a friendship' relationship that I'm never going to have because he's not here and HS is done. I would never tell myself I've got the leftover because that's not what Joel is, but damnit, Joel is such an amazing lover I want to know what the hell was her problem in letting him go.

It all seem so high school and I should be above that....but unfortunately, that's still where I am.

Last I know is she had a boyfriend and somehow, they aren't going out anymore. While things seem to be the same in her love life, I'm the happy one in the end. At least I won't have to deal with seeing her daily after June. Sometimes I feel I should just be mature and be happy with what I do have...but I can't help feeling like, well, a 17-year old at times. Afterall, it would suck to try to act older than what I am.

Fri, 18 May 2007 21:45:06 GMT

It's funny how much I trust Joel even with the distance.
Today I told him "Don't flirt too much!" all while laughing and chatting, knowing that he does flirt with the girls there a little bit. And nowhere in me is uncomfortable with that.

Cool.

Mon, 14 May 2007 18:06:44 GMT

Fuck Advanced Placement tests.
Fuck alarm clocks.
Fuck studying.
Fuck that lady in the guitar store in Jackson Heights.
Fuck train delays.
Fuck public payphones.
Fuck Ticketmaster.

But if you want to fuck Deftones and The Fall of Troy, you've gotta fuck NYC.

I took my AP Biology test today, my right hand is still numb from it. I wish I never gave up on my left hand so I could use both hands to write...that would have helped. Yeah, fuck right-handedness too. After three hours or so of that crap, I wandered the streets to find a local Ticketmaster to get tickets to see Deftones with The Fall of Troy in June at Roseland but nooooo, the only Ticketmaster I've ever known to be around here freakin' closed! The fat woman there told me there was on in Steinway so I took a chance of using my student metrocard again to go find the location.

Nada. Mucho gracias, puta.

I walked back and forth Jackson Heights as well as Steinway for a good hour and a half in the blistering heat only to just give up. So to my restaurant I went, hungry for some lunch since a jelly donut for the entire day and that test wouldn't suffice. Fuck ab workouts. I needed to eat.

I was also wondering how to get home since I used up all my student metrocard rides and I only had a 100 dollar bill with me. I don't even think they sell metrocards to minors with a benjamin. Lucky for me (the only luck the whole day) my stepdad was hanging out at the restaurant so he could drive me home (before I even got to eat lunch D: hmmp!). We did have to drop someone off but that's fine as long as I could sit, rest, breathe and stuff my face in front of the A/C. I'm finally home and happy to be forgetting about the hell I've had with that damn class. I don't even care anymore. I had nothing to lose except my time. If, through some miracle, I scored a 4, that's cool and that's six more credits from Syracuse.

If not, fuck Biology 101.